Is your dream really Your dream? Or.... Are you living someone else's dream for YOUR life?
Are you a people pleaser?Do you often find yourself saying "YES" to make others happy?Do you do things for other people when you have your own to-do list to tackle but you don't want to disappoint?
If you answer "YES" to any of these questions there is a VERY GOOD chance that you are living parts, if not all, of your life for someone else.
I know & I can honestly say "I've been there".
- You probably also feel thoroughly disappointed in your life circumstances....
- You have a lot of complaints about how things are not going right in your career.
- You feel a lot of conflict because you really do love the people in your life but you are always so thoroughly disappointed.
- You've also probably suffered with various addictive & unhealthy behaviors... under-eating, over-eating, and various other forms of escapism...
Today I am here sharing my story, how I came to accept and "live" someone else's dream for my life for 19+ years.
A lot of people have stories of how they pursued science, law or business to make their families happy with their career path, while wishing they had pursued the arts instead. I am the total opposite, I pursued the arts to make my family happy with my career path. I became a musician, a path that led me to self-employment & freelancing, but did not lead to my happiness in career.In 10th grade I chose to convince myself that music was my dream because I felt there was no other choice, so I decided to "own it". Playing music & going to school for music led me into a lot of struggles with addiction, escapism, stress, anxiety, anger, and panic. I was on a continuous cycle of unhealthy behavioral choices.
In 2013, when I invested in my first high-level program to save my health & my life, I began making new changes. I started doing healing work but I revisited "my dream" of being a professional musician as opportunities started to present themselves. I had been performing in groups with my husband for years & even that soured for me. I constantly put myself in a position to be what everyone else suggested I become: a singer, a composer, a pianist, a teacher. These choices led me to become unhappier & unhappier.Around the time I began my sound healing career more & more playing opportunities started to appear, for what I was trained to do, saxophone. I thought... "this is great, I finally get to put my saxophone degrees to work".... but the escapism pretty much showed up the moment the new gigs did.While I launched my new career I ended up having 7 different jobs - all freelance/self-employed (drowning in more escape). It was kind of nuts!!! I started quitting things but not pursing a new direction because being a Sound Healer alone was only a partial manifestation of my gifts.In the month of December 2015 my gifts came full-circle & I saw that at different times in my life I did embody parts of my gifts, always feeling "compartmentalized" with everything. I saw that being a musician was not my gift & realized why teaching & performing in this way were totally wrong for me {had I known earlier in life, I could have re-shaped these opportunities to fit my gifts}.In 2016, at age 35, I have entered "retirement" from performing music. I left my husband's band back in August {which has been GREAT because the removal of my dissatisfaction for playing has opened him up to many new opportunities} & I just left 2 other bands I was playing with. When I first made the decision to leave the groups (a few days before Christmas) I saw a Seraphim Angel flying around the throne of God, playing a saxophone, the Angel was SO happy. At the same time, my ego was super in-the-dumps packing up this suitcase, looking all mopey, saying "look what you worked for, you are just walking away???"...It felt like a really bad break-up, I mourned for a few days but now I feel RELIEF. Relief that I'm not putting my body through the hard and long gigs, that I'm not cramming myself into a box of "who I should be" for the first time in years. While simultaneously loving the girl that I am.Now I know why, when I chose to be a sound healer, I wanted to embody my musical experiences but in a different & healing way. From a young age I also knew that one day I would only play to uplift & heal, I just never knew it would be so expansive.I do not regret any of my experiences because they are MY experiences. My path led me where I am now & with honesty and integrity I can say that life feels SO GOOD. As a musician I constantly needed my ego blown up, to be told that I was doing a good job. Now, I feel good for just being me. I don't need a stage to SHINE. I get to meet people daily and weekly, interact and connect, uplift and heal. That is a miraculous gift - human connection!And who knows, maybe one day I'll want to leave retirement from music and create my own relationship with it, for right now I am happy where I am & that is a relief after years and years of self-separation.
Lastly, It is exciting to be in this position now because I am able to facilitate this path for others, creating a catalyst for growth, change and manifestation.
